Surfing - My First Ride
(Originally written in 2015)
The beach was beautiful. The people looked happy. The sky was cloudy. The sun was about to go down. I was alone. I was numb. Taking the road less traveled, risking my way, trying things which few people thought of had been a routine for me. I took a board instead of a boat and went surfing.
There was a decent crowd. I ran into the ocean with my board clueless about what I’d do once the seashore got deeper. It didn't matter to me as I had always decided about things at the last minute. I never had things chalked out. I’d balance life as it hit me, and thus I made my way into the ocean cutting the waves on that board - huge, dark but blank like my mind.
The noise from the beach reduced exponentially as I moved away from the land and towards my destination. I went past the waves - smaller and bigger effortlessly as if I had surfed for the thousandth time. I was pretty confident as I moved further - surfing into the ocean and into my mind, the latter being deeper.
I went where the water took me. The board had become a part of my body. I couldn't see the ocean nor the board. Surfing was as exciting as my deepest thoughts. I wanted it more but I didn't know where it would lead me. The waves shook the board a few times. Sometimes mildly, many times roughly. I laughed it off thinking it was just another dream and I’d hit back at it as I did every single time.
But this time it was different. I felt something unusual. The waves continued to hit me. I didn't care about the direction. I didn't care about the speed. For I was directionless and stood still in my mind.
As I was lost in the ocean of my thoughts, I was hit by an unusual wave and my mind couldn't comprehend what was happening or where I was. This wasn't the biggest wave, it was a tricky one though. It made sure I couldn't go further. I had spent all my energy on trying to get on with the bigger waves. I gave my everything. But I succumbed. I succumbed not to this small, tricky wave but to the pattern. I succumbed to my inability to get on with it.
I realised I was deep into the ocean. The land was visible far away. I could have got help if I had tried. My body supported, my brain did, but my mind wanted to remain there, experiencing the feeling of helplessness. I didn't make any effort to continue. The surfboard decelerated slowly. There were no waves. The water was still but frightening. The life I had wanted to live, flashed before me because that was the life I had dreamt about always. That was the life I had lived always as I was far from the reality lost in my dreams. I stood there on the board as the ocean slowly engulfed me. I didn't feel a thing. I could still see clearly. I could hear clearly. The water entered my lungs. My body didn't react. I was still in My world. The surfboard floated. My body sank. I didn't have an identity in the world. But I had left a permanent mark, my tears had become a part of the ocean.
The beach was beautiful. The people looked happy. The sky was cloudy. The sun was about to go down. I was alone. I was numb. Taking the road less traveled, risking my way, trying things which few people thought of had been a routine for me. I took a board instead of a boat and went surfing.
There was a decent crowd. I ran into the ocean with my board clueless about what I’d do once the seashore got deeper. It didn't matter to me as I had always decided about things at the last minute. I never had things chalked out. I’d balance life as it hit me, and thus I made my way into the ocean cutting the waves on that board - huge, dark but blank like my mind.
The noise from the beach reduced exponentially as I moved away from the land and towards my destination. I went past the waves - smaller and bigger effortlessly as if I had surfed for the thousandth time. I was pretty confident as I moved further - surfing into the ocean and into my mind, the latter being deeper.
I went where the water took me. The board had become a part of my body. I couldn't see the ocean nor the board. Surfing was as exciting as my deepest thoughts. I wanted it more but I didn't know where it would lead me. The waves shook the board a few times. Sometimes mildly, many times roughly. I laughed it off thinking it was just another dream and I’d hit back at it as I did every single time.
But this time it was different. I felt something unusual. The waves continued to hit me. I didn't care about the direction. I didn't care about the speed. For I was directionless and stood still in my mind.
As I was lost in the ocean of my thoughts, I was hit by an unusual wave and my mind couldn't comprehend what was happening or where I was. This wasn't the biggest wave, it was a tricky one though. It made sure I couldn't go further. I had spent all my energy on trying to get on with the bigger waves. I gave my everything. But I succumbed. I succumbed not to this small, tricky wave but to the pattern. I succumbed to my inability to get on with it.
I realised I was deep into the ocean. The land was visible far away. I could have got help if I had tried. My body supported, my brain did, but my mind wanted to remain there, experiencing the feeling of helplessness. I didn't make any effort to continue. The surfboard decelerated slowly. There were no waves. The water was still but frightening. The life I had wanted to live, flashed before me because that was the life I had dreamt about always. That was the life I had lived always as I was far from the reality lost in my dreams. I stood there on the board as the ocean slowly engulfed me. I didn't feel a thing. I could still see clearly. I could hear clearly. The water entered my lungs. My body didn't react. I was still in My world. The surfboard floated. My body sank. I didn't have an identity in the world. But I had left a permanent mark, my tears had become a part of the ocean.
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